Above and Below the Line

How are you turning up today? Do you feel you are living your best life? Or are you in conflict? Do you feel people do not understand you? Are you emotionally reacting?

Above and Below the line behaviours has been spoken about for many years across organisations, staff have been told that they need to be above the line, many people have done training on this and been told that below the line behaviours are not acceptable, some outcomes have been punitive.

But… do you really understand what above the line looks like, feels like and how you have the difficult conversation when there has been a violation?

The key to living above the line, where you take full responsibility for all your actions is to hold yourself and others accountable at all times. Especially for the small things, because left unattended the small things grow and the problem can magnify.

You need to be able to walk in integrity, have strong values you believe in and ensure that your boundaries are not violated. By doing this you give a real presence of who you want to be and how you will act in any given situation. You hold yourself well and align yourself with people who have equal standing, values and beliefs.

But here is the thing…

It is impossible to be above the line all the time.

Think about a time a person has provoked you or you have reacted to something someone has said. Did you manage to stay above the line in that moment? We have all encountered these moments.

Some people will realise and have insight into their reactions and associated behaviours and will take steps to rectify their wrong doing or clear up the misunderstanding by apologising, holding space and making amends if they can.

Other people play out the same patterns and behaviours with little to no insight. They have a disconnection to their outer world, and when challenged often become emotionally dysregulated. Apart from challenging this behaviour and making them aware of their shortcomings, often we have to manage this behaviour over many months not just in this instance.

We can only be responsible for our own feelings and how we respond. We are not responsible for anyone else’s feelings or behaviours.

So, the next time you are working on a group exercise on above and below the line behaviours remember it is much more than an exercise, it is about how everyone turns up.

How we turn up, is the culture that we create. What culture do you want to create to live and work in? We are all responsible.

I will write another blog soon on values systems and the rules that we apply to our values, the rules are often what is the cause of the behaviour when we believe our values are not being respected or we are not meeting our values.

If this resonated with you and you would like to know more on managing yourself or your team, I would be more than happy to book you in for a discovery session.

Helping you to step through change Denise